We all love the idea of finding our soul mate. Our ‘perfect one.’ And because relationships are so important to us as human beings, it can be terrifying to commit (what if they’re not the RIGHT one? What if there’s someone ELSE?). And the truth is, relationships take work, so some people get scared away thinking that “If this is ‘the one’ it will be easy.” Ummm – no.
If you’re stuck in the “Are they the one?”, I have five questions you need to ask yourself right now:
Do they compliment you? Having someone too ‘same-same’ might seem awesome, but it’s not always a good thing. Your partner should compliment you and fill in any weaknesses you might have. This can be practical, like knowing directions, or it can be emotional, like keeping calm in pressure situations. Does your chillax nature balance their anxiousness? Think Yin and Yang.
Do you laugh together? Any relationship needs to have a laugh component. Not only does this release lots of great endorphins, but it also helps you bond.
Do you like to hang out and do stuff together? If you have nothing in common, it’s not a great sign. Now, this doesn’t mean you should live in each other’s pockets. It’s healthy to have your own interests, but there’s a reason the saying “Those who play together, stay together” has been around forever!
Do you want the best for each other? This means you are both genuinely happy for one another’s successes and will support each other to see one another flourish. This will also include values and life vision!
Do you communicate well? Communicating means that sometimes there will be conflict. People have different views, so this is inevitable, and in fact, an argument-free relationship can sometimes mean that someone is not communicating their needs. Additionally, relationships change over time, so feeling free, respected, and safe to communicate is a sure-fire way to keep things flourishing.
Relationships are never about perfection. They’re about connection, growth, and showing up for each other, even when things get hard. If you’ve asked yourself these questions and feel good about the answers, maybe the question isn’t whether they’re “the one.” Maybe the better question is, “Am I ready to commit to building something amazing with this person?” Because that’s what love is—a choice, made daily, to grow together and create something beautiful, flaws and all.
Karen Stevens
Principal Psychologist
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